oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
