So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drake has all the answers
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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