Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
