I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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