giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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