I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
