we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
