Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
