I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So. Much. Porn.
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