When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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