hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
