Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
