she looked like the before picture.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
