Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
