booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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