A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
