I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
