haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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