I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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