i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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