Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
