Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
