no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
