Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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