he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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