Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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