bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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