so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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