you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
