no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
