i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need water and some morals
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
