It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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