I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
