I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
