one two three fourrrrnication!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
