plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
