shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
