So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
