I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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