ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
