Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
