My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
