Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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