i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
