I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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