Rock
Scissors
Fuck
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize