I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
