omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
