Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
