Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
