i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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