I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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