So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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