the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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