Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
