shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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