just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
