I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
