I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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