is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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