Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
