I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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