after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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