I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
