i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
