This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the liver wants what the liver wants
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
