you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
