The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
