I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
