OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
pray to the hookup gods
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
