took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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