the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
