After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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