There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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