"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
