Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
