And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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