Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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